The thing about preemies

When babies are born early, their lungs are not fully developed. This is the main issue facing preemies, though babies born too soon face a host of potential problems. When we knew our babies would be born at 32 weeks, we knew underdeveloped lungs were a trade-off for avoiding cord entanglement and compression.

Fortunately, our newborns seemed to be just fine. They had the typical preemie issues, but learned to breathe on their own before their due date. Our babies grew so fast in their first year and didn't even look premature by their 1st birthday, though it was around that time that their lung issues surfaced.

Drew was the first to show signs of lung problems. He had a tendency to wheeze, even when he wasn't sick. He was put on a nebulizer in the fall of 2008. And, late last April, Henry was in the pediatric ICU because he stopped breathing. He was intubated for 8 days. My husband saw my firstborn go into respiratory failure and turn blue in his arms. As a result of that event, both he and his brother (because they are identical) were put on aggressive asthma therapy. But no matter how diligent we are, we cannot prevent them from getting sick and making their asthma (or "reactive airway disease") worse.

For the past 2 months, Henry and Drew have been sick on and off. Visits to the ER aren't uncommon, but we even had to go while on vacation. Henry had trouble breathing while we were in Tallahassee over Christmas, so we went to the hospital where I was born. We thought he and his brother had recovered, only to return to DC with them sick again. They went to the doctor and were put on antibiotics for a sinus infection. But toward the end of their course, they got sicker. We went to the ER yesterday and it turns out they both have pneumonia, in the same lung, in the same spot. And when their temperatures were taken, they were the same, to the tenth degree. They are identical after all.

We don't know if a cold that may have triggered their asthma led to the pneumonia, or if they've had pneumonia, which they just couldn't kick, and it made their asthma worse. Regardless, they've been coughing to the point of vomiting and struggling for breath. Even though we are armed with asthma action plans and have spent enough time at hospitals and with their pulmonologist to feel like I should know what I'm doing, I don't. My kids aren't really talking yet. I wish they could just say, "Mommy, I don't feel well. Mommy, I can't breathe." Instead, I watch them to make sure they're still breathing. Sometimes, I don't want to sleep because I feel like I need to sit by their beds and watch their chests move. Sometimes, I wish that I'd convinced by doctor to let me keep these babies in longer so they wouldn't have these issues. Sometimes, I wish I could take their sick lungs and give them my healthy ones.